In November of last year, I commented to some friends that, regarding Evie's health and progress, I always feel like I'm waiting for the proverbial "other shoe to drop." She'd made so much progress in every aspect of her life since we'd moved earlier that year. In some back corner of my mind, I was always waiting for the next scary thing or step back or however you might want to phrase it.
One of our friends astutely commented, "that's not healthy." That struck me and has stayed with me. He was 100% correct. So I've thought about that off and on since then, especially when the worrisome thoughts sneak in and try to create mental and emotional mayhem. Allstate does NOT protect against mayhem, like that. Just FYI.
I think back to everything that happened from the day that she was born and for most of that first year, and recognize that this "waiting" worry is something we were trained to do. For a little while, every step forward seemed to come with a step or two backward. We can turn down her oxygen? YAY! OH... but now she can't nurse. She'll silently aspirate.
Since November, I've been much more mindful about that Mayhem Monster creeping in, and whether or not I feed it. I've been much more successful at feeding it less, so it's withered down to a small monster, taking up much less space in my mind. It has not been easy, it's a mindful and intentional choice. The times I see it creep in the most are right before specialty appointments. Most recently our trip to see Evie's endocrinologist.
Evie's TSH was high again, so I was worried that medication would be the next step. I know that's not the end of the world. I know that her ability to develop and be healthy is the primary goal. That said, I am mindful about when medication is introduced. I know medications can often cause harm with the good. So I talk through things with doctors, do research, and have conversations. I ask A LOT of questions. This time, her Endo doesn't think Evie needs meds. Her TSH is high but she is experiencing no symptoms of a problem. So at this point, we do a check in a year, unless symptoms show up between now and then.
Officially now, Evie is seeing her specialists once a year across the board! YAY!
This is where that little Mayhem Monster likes to creep in and whisper (in Billy Mays' voice) "but wait, there's more!". Thankfully today I can shush that little monster and focus on the now. The present. The little ball of Mooshie perfection that is currently rolling around the house on her Trusty Steed (AKA Tin Foil... cue old Daffy Duck cartoon... "Hi Ho Tin Foil! AWAAAAAY!")
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