Imagine having this beautiful son. He is buckled in the backseat of your car on the way home from daycare one evening and in the saddest, sweetest voice asks you a heart-wrenching question. "Mommy, does God not think I'll be a good big brother?"
Our son had been asking for a sibling for years. He was 8 years old when he asked me this tearful question. It was all I could do to keep the tears in my eyes from blurring the drive, as it was mid-winter and long past sunset when I picked him up. "Of course he does, my boy. He knows you will be an excellent big brother. Why do you think he doesn't?" In that small, sweet voice he said, "Because he hasn't given me a baby brother or sister."
"My boy," I tried my best to reassure him (and probably myself too), "we're just waiting for that perfect baby for us to come along."
Cue a mama's melted, heavy heart. It certainly wasn't due to a lack of effort. We'd been actively trying for a second child for over a year at this point, and my heart was already having a hard time with all of those negative pregnancy tests. We tried medications, I changed my diet and added different exercises, I took every supplement known to man, and sought out a doctor of Eastern Medicine. I did accupuncture, bi-weekly massage, I tried to have my Chakras balanced (don't think I ever got there), and a plethora of other things I'd prayed would work. Our sweet boy, Ben, was going to make an incredible brother... hopefully one day.
Fast forward to late July 2021, after nearly two years of actively trying I finally saw those two perfect lines on that pregnancy test. Oh yes, I took a few more just to be sure. I went straight to my husband, Rob, with tears streaming down my face. I have not managed to keep this news in long enough to plan some kind of adorable, Insta-worthy way to tell him. I just told him. We couldn't believe it. We were pregnant! I was almost ready to give up. FInally, that perfect-for-us baby was on his or her way!
A few days later we decided to tell Ben. We just knew he would be excited and euphoric about this news. Oh boy, that is not what happened. At least not immediately. He looked terrified and ran to the bathroom. I went in to check on him. He was breathing hard and fast and said he was going to throw up. After a short couple of minutes, I finally got him to tell me what was happening. "I don't know how to take care of a baby!" he exclaimed. "Oh my sweet boy, you don't have to. That's Mommy and Daddy's job. You just get to be the big brother."
"Oh." He sighed. He was happy and much less nauseous after that. Our beautiful, compassionate, loving son was finally going to be a big brother. We knew from the gate he would be incredible. We had no idea how incredible.